Using My Expereince To Help Those Who Need It Most...
Interior Beauty Coach
My name is Megan.
I am the Broken Crayons Still Colour Foundation Interior Beauty Coach.
I became entangled with my narcissistic abuser at age 20.
I met my abuser on a working holiday around Australia. Within a few short months we were living together. The cracks were well and truly starting to show. The day I'd decided to leave was followed by the night I discovered I was pregnant. Shaken, I rang him, telling him the news. He demanded I came home at once and I obeyed, I believed I had to try to make it work now. The relationship would last a further 18 months. In that 18 months I would nearly loose my every essence of womanhood, esteem, sanity and financial security.
I survived threats of violence and death to both myself and unborn child. I was told never to try and leave, never to take "his" child and to stop lying and inflating what happened behind closed doors.
I was never punched or kicked. I was never locked up or raped, in fact I wasn't worthy of him. I was revolting, fat and ugly. I was made to believe I worthless and undeserving but to be grateful and loving towards him. I have been left stranded on roadsides with no mobile or shoes. I've had to go local op-shops for food donations so he had money to smoke and drink. I had my property damaged and money taken. I was made the brunt of the joke to his friends or the "crazy" problematic girlfriend/ex. I've been threatened with court and him taking 100% custody of our daughter.
Repetitively I was made to believe I was broken and damaged, that no one would want me if I ever left. "Who would want someone's rejected sh*t. You're the mother of someone's else's kid". He would sulk if men paid me attention, especially male friends as I "wanted" them..
My daughter and I fled in the in the early hours of the 6th of January 2017. He'd come home blind drunk, waking me and demanding I get out bed. The threats flew and the bitterness poured from his mouth. Only this time I'd had enough, my daughter was 10 months old. She couldn't grow up in this, she couldn't grow to believe this was normal or healthy. My daughter and I co-slept. My abuser flew into a rage and demanded we left at once, even allowing me to "take her". I begged to let us leave in the morning, on all fours I crouched down over my daughter begging for him to leave us alone. He ripped at my arms and eventually grabbed me off, he tried to grab at our daughter. What he didn't know was my phone was recording and my keys were under my pillow. I was ready to escape. I cradled my daughter, phone, keys and ran. I ran like my life depended on it. He was ripping at me down the hallway, because of his intoxication he was crashing into walls and doors. I leaped from my patio, him following closely behind. I tricked him and managed to get in my car and lock it. My daughter was screaming in my arms but I was silent, why I never screamed for help I don't know. He was bashing on my window... Then he returned to the house and started dragging all of my belongings to the verandah. I dialed triple zero. Evidently they came. I sat in the dark across the road. The police refused to press charges, told me to go somewhere else for the night "and to let him sleep it off". Nothing from the event was recorded on their behalf expect for the case number that I had in fact rang triple zero.
Over the past few years I have rebuilt myself, met Rach Mac and demonstrated that broken crayons still colour and that we colour beautifully! I took me a long time, therapy and private conversations to finally come to terms that I'd suffered through domestic violence even if I hadn't been hit. I'd suffered through gas lighting, cycles of abuse, isolation, monetary control, sexual isolation, property damage amongst other things. I lost friends, property and self respect.
What does life look like now? My ex will always be a part of mine and daughter's life, but now I've learnt/learning how to manage the situation. I am strong woman and like to stay three steps ahead.
I believe my healing came majorly from hiking and the great doors. I learnt my inner strength and beauty while working through the blockages in my mind on hikes. I believe in helping other women and children through their dark days, reminding them there is a future and it is bright.
My path eventually lead to a happy healthy relationship and although my partner never "healed" me, he helped hand me the pieces that would. In times of weakness he has been my strength and I am extremely grateful.
Never ever feel stuck, life is a beautiful place and things can always get better. Believe in yourself and be careful for whom you believe.